A Year in Search Engine Terms

I have successfully missed the one-year anniversary of indie pen dance’s relaunch, but that does not mean I am not bringing you the very best of Search Engine Terms that led people to my blog from May 2011 to today. Some of them are just so hilarious I needed to share them.

But first of all, I should honour the top five people or acts that have generated most traffic in this past year. Apparently, WU LYF are a hightly sought after and at the same time reclusive act, and the brilliant idea of tagging band members’ names has brought over a hundred people here seeking information on lead singer Ellery Roberts, who tops the chart followed by his bandmate Evans Kati (79 hits). Up next are The Kabeedies and Jasmin Parkin of Mother Mother with 37 hits each and Jamie N Commons with 22.

From here on, it gets a little bit more, well, absurd. Because who do we reveal our darkest secrets and desires to? Google. But however strange the following list of search engine terms may seem, please bear in mind they are often just combinations of random words from my blog and I have never posted them in exactly that order.

The main question we pose Google, day after day, is, of course, whether celebrity xyz is gay. Because it’s relevant to our interests, after all! So the tenth-most-sought-after term leading to my blog is, apparently, “ed macfarlane gay”. In case you’re not, Ed, maybe someone should tell your dancing style. Also, somebody searched for “edward macfarlane naked”. (I’m sniggering at everyone who ends up on this page for googling that.) Two people at least wanted to know: “is naked and famous a gay band”? I apologise if I did not provide an answer to this. And, don’t ask me why, someone googling “gay disco gloryhole” also ended up here … told you I’m innocent!!

But it gets weirder from here. (or more weird?) A whole of three people were interested in “teddy bear mutilating” (if you are one of those, I suggest this video, which was the reason I posted on said topic). Two people searched for “outdoor sex after dark”, another one was interested in “smexy naked emo boys”, and I would pay a lot to find out what the person had in mind who googled “gerard way toilets”. (That sounds like a pretty weird choice of merchandise article.)

Gerard Way fans are apparently interested in a number of strange details concerning their idol, e. g. “what pens does gerard way use”. (Gets a little less weird if you know he does comics, too.) Someone else, then, wanted to know whether “gawain erland cooper babysits” (actually, once I have kids, I might want to know myself). Another person spent his day wondering “why did the kaiser chiefs fail” (hint: listen to their last two albums). Also, I was surprised to see that 10 people googled the combination “gotye panic at the disco” – a collaboration unknown to me – until I saw that three people apparently thought that “gotye sounds like panic at the disco” (I disagree). Another person angrily typed into Google: “after receiving less than positive reviews of their faces wu lyf decide to return to wearing their silly fucking masks.”

I know that was a lot for you to dwell on, but I have three more. No less than two people ended up on my blog after searching for a stock photo of a “happy man with smartphone in hand” (never seen one in my life). Another two came here in search of “capoeira vampire” (???). And out of the many questions posed to me about brogues, after I had posted a review of Mancunian band Brown Brogues, my favourite one was: “are brogues indie?” Well dear, if you have to ask that question, you will never find out the answer.

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